Thursday, March 23, 2006

WISH IM WITH MY LOVED ONES HERE IN SWITZERLAND...

so now im here at one of my dream destination...switzerland. its winter here which is pretty cool coz i love wearing jackets hehehe. we're stayin here for 3 days and we have actulally went out to do the city tour with the rest of d crew. i wud want to go and see d alps...bt d prob is i dnt have enough money anymore coz i shopped too much. bought too many huge authentic bunny chocolates for kobe and my angels, and 5 swiss knives for 25 USD each which robbed my credit card. hehehe worst thing i left my 200 euro cash in my hotel room in abu dhabi. huh! i wish wen i get back its still der coz i think i left it in d open and i jst realized i left it wen i was already in d aircraft. gud thing i have my colleauge-solang, to lend me some cash for food and for transpo around d city.oderwise, my stay here will be hell! hehehe enuf od my stupid stories...il try to post some of our pics taken here at geneva, switzerland one of these days...

Monday, March 20, 2006

im back...

well im bac...hope dis time i could find time 2 write as often as possible...i certainly missed 2 post a lot of memorable hapenings in my life recently...bt il try 2 catch up definitely. =)
im fying to geneva switzerland 2nyt...il try 2 post sme of d pics wen i get back...

Saturday, October 08, 2005

lessons and souvenirs...

Don’t carry extra baggage when u want 2 move on… a tip I have found 2 b very true.

More often dan not, It’s so easy to get mad to someone…esp 2 those people who irritate or hurt us in one way or another. Our human side would want to get even…would curse and would entertain evil thoughts…for me I think these are just normal (though of course its not right). Thinking bad is already a sin…and you’re just gona pile up d list of ur offense if ur gona make these thoughts into actions.

Eh bakit ko ba bigla naisip 2 write abt these things…kasi naman parang dumami lately ung mga taong sadyang nangiinis sa buhay ko. Hehehe dami ko prank callers and txtrs telling me dat dey found my name and number written in a public bus…even published in a job finder magazine…have found people telling nasty things behind my bac…im sure some people are also happy dat my relationshp w/ t*** has finally ended (for dem it’s a dream cme true) and d list goes on. I used to cry over these things…till I realized I cant really please every body…and that I would just gain more wrinkles for making a big fuss abt it all. hay nkakapanget tlga ang mga pasaway na to sa buhay ko! Smetmes its jst hard to pretend na di ka apektado eh…pero miraculously after 1 early morning of watching 700 club on tv…bigla n lng parang nawala ang anger and resentments ko. Ang dami ko narealize…na marami pala sa mga pinagpipray ko was just w/in my reach. I have long wished to move on after after my break up…un lang pala ang secret…eradicate those extra luggage! (Now I can say that I have really 4given na d big pasaways in my life) =) i wud want to say sory din 2 those people i came to indirectly clash with. sorry talaga!

Its ok to get mad once in a while…but after dat we should learn how to release d heavy feeling. Its ok to experience the humps along d road…but never stop n stay on top of it. came pass through it then move on…

700 club didn’t create an angel through a miracle…not even a saint…but they have created a more understanding jen…and for me that’s a huge miracle already. It made me feel so light and relieved. I admit I still fear leaving pinas coz im gona miss a bunch of people close to my heart esp kobe n aaron…but its like I am more ready now to battle and take a long journey ahead of me. I am more inspired coz I know gud things and more blessings are coming my way. The road may never be easy but im just glad that God is always there to be my guide.

I just couldn’t get enough w/ the lessons im learning every day…I am always excited about each day…gud or bad, sme things are meant to teach us something.

While I normally get myself some souvenirs from every place I travel…im also picking up lessons from my every day journey to life. =)

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

mama goin' home...yipeeh!!!

well...well...well...mama s goin' home fr dubai dis coming sat...i jst feel so excited (n a bit nervous 4 my dad hehehe) im gona make sure she'll enjoy her 3 weeks stay in pinas. i've got series of plans na were 2 take her (gastos nga lang nya hehe) im thinking na rin how 2 surprise her on her bday. sana rin umabot sya on my bday. wish ko lng cease fire muna cla ni papa...well im quite sure na after ng labasan ng sama ng loob...bakasyon engrande na i2! wohaaah!!!

nkka2wa tlga coz after all my kamalasan...dumarating n yta ang mga swerte ko, li'l by little...ang mga nkakapagpasaya sakin...my family...kuya luoie n dex goin home din on nov...tapos ate mae and her family on december! hay nonstop saya! si ate ging lang di ko mkikita dis yr. but by feb mkakasama ko na naman sya eh so ok lng.

dis coming fri...im gonna cook for my friends sa pad ni paeng. yihheee...im gona try 2 make up for my short comings sa mga beloved friends ko. excited n tlga ako abt so many things lately...its lyk things are starting 2 fall in its ryt place n...hay patience tlga is a virtue! i thank God for every thing! lalalalalala dubidu dudu =) cheers!!!

Saturday, September 24, 2005

PONDERING MOMENTS...

My past few weeks was busy n fun weeks… namiss ko tuloy ung quiet n pondering moments ko… Sabi ko na nga ba eh after all d laughing…crying naman. But nothing drastic really happened (thank God!)…it was jst me on ‘emote mode’ again. cguro naman im licensed 2 do dis coz im stil in d so called healing process. Smetmes, I believe we all need that…some deep thinking and soul searching.

Friday…Quiapo day. Oh how I’ve been longing for this day…cancelled my oder sched jst 4 dis. Kht malayo n khit umuulan cge lng…go p rin. As expected, d church was packed w/ diff people fr all walks of life. As I saw faces, closed eyes n lips murmuring prayers… I told my self “I bet they have greater needs than myself”. And worst maybe some of them have bigger problems than I have. But my heart just truly knows, most of them are also saying thank you prayers. And that’s what I wanted to do on that very moment…just say thank you. God have seen me at my worst… have heard my silent cries…have touched my wounded heart and… currently in d process of curing my bruised soul. He’s the only reason why I’m still sane and well. He never left me alone and even if He doesn’t grant all my wishes every time…I am still thankful. I know he’s not giving those coz He has greater plans for me.

I can still recall my 2nd to the last visit at Quiapo church…I was with Mama Che and t***. Our relationship was already rocky then. He was tightly holding my hand…were both staring at d altar n saying our own prayers… I dnt know wats in hub’s prayer… but thru his strong grip against my hand…I know it was all about us and our 2 loving angels. With my eyes in tears…I whispered the wishes of my heart…

God u know how much I love dis person…I am more than thankful that you gave him to me. We are goin’ through a lot these days and I just want You to pls let him feel how much I love him…regardless of all d hardship n pain. pls always send an angel to whisper at his ears my loving thoughts every day…coz lately its getting harder to do it myself. It seemed he doesn’t believe I still do. I hate to see loneliness in his eyes…so if its better that we part ways…then help us deal with it in d best n kindest way possible. I hate to see him go but I’ll hate myself more if I’d continue seeing him unhappy. But of course I’ll be more pleased if we’d patch things up and be happy again. Though I’m scared he’s not wishing the same. Well I know, You know better…please help us dear God. Amen…

On our way out…he gave me a kiss on my forehead and hugged me…I kissed him back and hugged him all through way out…

After a month we broke up…can any one blame me for feeling so devastated? I have hoped for the best but got hurt in so many ways. And yet I can’t blame God for all of these… our fate was in our hands…it was hub who made his choice and d only option I had was to accept it…no matter how hard.

After quiapo church… tutuban was my next destination…had to buy myself sme soaps n Chinese herbs at a Chinese drugstore there. D tiange stalls was a delightful attraction to me so I decided 2 stay longer dan usual. Bought my girl cousins some friendship bracelets n metallic mirror n combs 4 d guys…toys 4 kobe…and… u wouldn want 2 knw d rest. =p Hmmm…I missed this…quality time for myself…

I found myself in an open area were there were several food stations surrounding chairs and tables. I chose to get a seat at the middle of all of these… trying to isolate myself from the people who wanted to get near d spot, where d barbecues are (which is d specialty there I guess). I ordered myself a water melon shake, sme pork bbqs and a foot long. Hehehe

While I was enjoying my sumptuous night meryenda… few meters away…a muslim guy started playing his pirated cds… he was also selling those cheap dvd and karaoke players, n made use of it to get buyers attention perhaps. I had that weird imagination…w/ a li’l help of d smoky environment and a gud choice of music fr a muslim guy…completed it all. Music is such a weakness! =) I felt like that I was actually watching an MTV in d making…hmmm im rili enjoying these…I told myself.

Unfortunately, d smile I had earlier faded in seconds…

Amidst the vast variety of faces surrounding me…I was imagining hub’s face. =( tears started falling down my cheeks (oh no jenny not agen!) but I jst couldn’t stop myself. Gud thing dat d people was way 2 busy w/ their meals to even notice me. I was looking at nowhere…n started asking myself…why am I missing this guy? He have hurt me numerous times…I should be happier now that that he’s gone.

“I am missing the old hub I used know…what he has become now is someone I would never want to meet again.” I came to tell myself a lot of times…that its not him finding another person to love that left me all burdened. falling out of love is a reality, I know. I can forgive him for that. But what’s hard to accept is him giving me last memories of anger and pain. It was him not even wanting to say sorry for hurting me…he didn’t even try to wipe away my tears b4 leaving. But I didn’t miss the chance to tell him I regret the times that I held him back…for making it hard for him to leave. I was sorry if I worked so hard for our relationship that I didn’t even think if he wanted the same. “I am sorry for being so selfish…I am truly sorry for all the pain I caused u”…those were my last words for him. I was so sorry for both of us… and my last sight of him…his head slightly tilted downwards, facing the door way… he was extending his arm to get my duplicate of their house keys from me. Yes…no more holding back. Good bye for good. And now, no matter how it kills me…I am determined to build that wall…small world no more, for us. I will forever hide the face he chose to leave…


Then I found this guy staring at me…I wonder how long have he been watching me. He jst nodded his head and gave me a mysterious smile. That was the only time I noticed his cute face…but what d heck?! He screwed up my moment! …so I left my table and went inside the mall again.

They say it only hurts when it matters…needless to say how important this guy is, coz I’m still hurting like hell now. I have moved on…it’s a fact. I have learned to live each day without him. I’m proud of myself for not making sneaky secret calls to their house (jst like mst exs do). have forced myself to get mad at him so I wont be affected by news abt him being w/ another girl. Have removed d stuff that reminds me of him. Yes I have already let him go…but I haven’t stopped loving him…and its sad sometimes.

I remember a priest friend of mine, once told “it is so easy to love those people who we love and who loves us d same…but its hard to love those people who doesn’t loves us back…but it’s d virtue of true love”.

He said those inspiring thoughts in a mass ages ago…but I remembered it…my heart remembered those words. He explained, its easy to love someone lovable…someone worth d feeling…some one you know who could reciprocate the love were giving…but its hard to give love to people who hurt us, people who’s not beautiful, people who can’t respond to d love were giving- like those stinky street children, a long time enemy or a bf/gf/husband/wife who have cheated on us. that’s true love…loving even if its hard and painful…loving even if were not going to get any thing in return. He even encouraged us…”dis coming xmas…while making our list of people who where goin’ 2 buy some gifts…please include in your list…those street children who cant send u gifts in return…include ur enemies and people who have hurt you in one way or another. Send them a gift of love, sharing and forgiveness”.

So then again I’ve learned another lesson of life.


I love hub even if… inspite of…and no matter what. In my own subtle way…I am loving him still.




Monday, September 19, 2005

WARRIOR IS A CHILD...

Just when I thought I was already over him…reality creeps in.

I forgot to switch off d tv after watching “pinoy big brother”. I still had aftershocks fr all the laughing and pang-oo-cry namin ng couz ko sa mga housemates. I know its quite mean, bt we did it jst 4 a laugh. Nothing mre dan dat…coz we know at tmes we’re acting d same way- minsan maarte, or maangas, over protective, O.A., funny n d list goes on. That’s y even if a lot of people finds PBB jologs and corny…dami p rin nanonood coz people can some how relate.

Its already late n jenny still isn’t sleepy…so she decided to do some floor exercises.

I was doing half push ups when I heard the song “how did u know”. Tried hard not to be destructed but it was hard not 2 pay attention to a song that reminds me of something n some1 special. I cnt help but recall how dat song made me fell on my knees n left my ex and I almost teary eyed… inside a movie house abt a year ago.

Then I pushed harder! ”Come on jenny ur not letting dis false fantasy thing bother ur mind again! ”, I told myself. Few mins after, heard d song “warrior as a child” on tv. It was gary v. singing it in his concert “symphony of d heart”. The nxt thing is me bursting in tears… with my face on the floor…I totally gave in 2 the spear of d moment.

How can I stay strong when I felt that it was HIM touching my heart. it seems that God wants to tell me “hey jen u dnt need to pretend ur strong and feeling ok. Right now…u are not…but I AM HERE.”

WARRIOR IS A CHILD
by: Gary V.

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears
Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)
Unafraid because His arrow is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
I never face retreat, oh no
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet
Chorus:
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)
They don't know that I come running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while(Look up for His smile)
'Coz deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child (Aahhh)

Yes, just when I thought I was ok…reality creeps in.

I know I have to loosen up and get real. I didn’t notice myself that I was actually faking my emotions. Just because I didn’t want my loved ones 2 get worried abt me sinking in loneliness n solitude… I indulge myself with so much work…fun but tiring activities…even refused to sleep and rest.I totally deprived myself from the things I need most.
God know me so well.. He jst know when 2 tap my back...wipe away my tears and when to carry me home...
I admit im far from being perfect...but i know God loves me regardless of that fact.

Saturday, September 17, 2005

singit blog =P


drawing 2 ni alex 4 me...hehehe ang cute noh? naalala ko 2loy hanapin ung drawing n bgay sakin nung batang inalagaan ko in one of my flights to london. post ko d2 one of these days. smetmes d simplest thing can be a priceless posesion u knw. =) kakawala ng pagod wen smebdy mkes an effort 2 brihten up ur day. singit lng 2ng entry na 2 coz ngppuyat kami ni candee sa movie review project nya... ang saya ni2 6 am na wla pa kming tulog... n c kokay bangag n bangag n! hehehe buti n lng kami ni alex fuly charge!